Is This Thing On?

The things I hear myself saying outloud in the course of any given day are sometimes, in a word, astounding. 
And so it goes that the things I sometimes hear my little people say are sometimes, in a word, astounding.
So much so, that I occasionally wonder if there is a hidden microphone/camera in our house or backyard with loads of footage that have rendered me a viral sensation.  Only, I am unaware of it.

Today was one of those afternoons.

GoGo has been under the weather this weekend and apparently still a bit on the pissy side of wellness.  She and D were playing in the backyard this afternoon.  Agent P and I watched the seemingly sweet scene unfold from our kitchen window.  I see them poking things with big sticks-I see D telling GoGo something rather emphatically.  I see her begin to gesture wildly and while I can't understand her, I sense her volume button is being pushed up. 
Suddenly, she is in the tree.  Yes, after spazzing out she decided to climb a tree.
D watches her and slowly backs up and begins to head for the back door.  Meanwhile, she is yelling and looks to have a foot stuck.  So I open the door and ask him to help his sister.  He informs he can't because as he approaches the tree, she begins to yell and kick her one unstuck foot in his direction.  So I leave Agent P in his care for a brief moment, throw on boots and rescue GoGo and her stuck foot.  She tells me, "Thanks Mom.  I just was waiting around for you."  Right.

Agent P wakes from her nap with a thick diaper.  Being the experienced mother that I am, I decide to change her diaper as she is standing.  This is something I've done in many public restrooms, parking decks and on the side of Interstate 40.  I am up for the task.
I see what appears to be a very tiny skidmark in her diaper so I am thinking just a Toot Gone Wrong.
But, no.  GoGo is the first to sight the corncob size turd hanging out of her butt and alerts me to the fact that MOMMY, YOU NEED WIPES!!  Yes, yes I do.

I broke one of my rules and let all 3 children bathe together in my big tub tonight.  Dinner was a messy affair for Agent P, D had cubscouts tonight and really I was just too lazy to have multiple tubs operating with dirty children that needed soap and tending.  Okay.
So I catch D and GoGo having a Weiner Kicking Contest in the tub.  I give them the standard lecture about their "privates" and how no one else is allowed to touch them and vice versa.  I reiterate how only THEY can touch their privates.  So D tells me after my little speech, "Ok, I'm touching mine right now." 
For the love of PETE.

GoGo tells me tonight that a lot of boys like to look at her.  Who, I ask.  Some in her class.  They look at her, she tells me, because they think she is funny and they want to M-A-R-R-Y her (she mouths the word marry).  Really?  Already, with this?

I also identified the child who used my toilet and didn't flush by the looks of their turds today, was told I was mean for yelling after an entire bowl of popcorn was dropped on the floor and a picture frame broken due to an unruly pillow and had it suggested that there was a baby in my tummy since it is "So Big". 

Seriously?  WHERE are the microphones and cameras?  Is this what motherhood looks like in other homes?  Thank God for tomorrows.  And little people to make me laugh until I cry.